Feelings

I'm confused. Since my amazing girl went back home to Finland, I have mixed-up feelings. I feel bad since we had to split up again on Monday evening. But on the other hand, I am happy about that, because these feelings make me realize that she is the one for me. Living without her makes me unhappy. Last days together were the happiest in my life so far!

Speed skating used to be my #1 in life. Not anymore. I now realize that my girlfriend is #1 and I feel little confused about that. I need to get used to that mindset, and that is hard for me. I always expected myself to be a dedicated skater, no matter what. But now I am not so sure about that anymore. My Finnish sweetie is most important to me. It makes me smile, to know I will spend my future with her and we'll be so happy together.

My feelings are so strong. I never felt something like this before. I'm so sure that 'this is it'. In my mind I'm already planning the upcoming year month-to-month, ending up living in Finland together with the love of my life... But the biggest (and hardest) question for me is: Do I have the courage to put my speed skating to a lower level and be honest to my feelings? Or do I still expect myself to be this dedicated skater, against all odds?

I love her.